You know you're pregnant when...

The second blue line appears on the pregnancy test before you're even done peeing.

Things that used to smell good (pamesan cheese, your face cream, etc) now punch you in the face and make you want to vomit.

You dread brushing your teeth because your gag reflex relocated to the tip of your tongue.

You average a roll of toilet paper a day with your seemingly microscopic bladder.

There's a box of crackers on your bedside table.

Sparkling water is your new best friend.

You're so cold your teeth chatter then 10 minutes later you start stripping off layers because you're sweating.

Morning sickness on pregnancy number two is so much worse so far.  Maybe it's because I'm busy chasing after a 13 month old and can't rest as much as when I was childless.  Last time I was feeling much better by the 12th week.  So in a few weeks, OK, well, five more weeks of this sicky-sickness and I should be feeling better (I hope).  I can survive 5 more weeks of this...right?  Alright, I'm off to eat some crackers!

Wedding Week

This past Saturday was Danny's brother's wedding.  I started dating Danny back when his brother Jimmy was in the 8th grade.  Participating in a milestone like a wedding made me count the years I've been around and boy, they add up quickly!

Saturday was cold and the clouds were threatening rain.  Just before the ceremony began, the sun came out.  It was really beautiful.  (Still freezing, but sunny.)

Danny, me, Olive, Lisa, Jimmy, Cheryl, Kady, and Steve.  Photo courtesy of Jodi Potter.

Olive was a trooper having both of her parents busy in the wedding party.  Only one meltdown.  A good time was had by all.

Photo snapped by Danny's dad a few minutes after Olive's meltdown.  Poor baby.

This coming Saturday my dad will be getting remarried.  I'll be sure to get a few photos up next week!

A Few Minutes And A Can Of Spray Paint

I received this this not-so-gently used shelf from my sister's mother-in-law to sell at a yard sale we had a while back.  Needless to say, it did not sell.  I decided to give it a second chance to live a happy life in Olive's room.  I cleaned it with a solution of one part vinegar and five parts water then let it dry completely.  Two coats of some leftover spray paint and we've now got a sweet little shabby chic shelf.

BEFORE...

 AFTER...

 

You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Paaaaaartaaaay!

So I've been consumed with preparing for Olive's first birthday party.  I feel like my to-do list just gets longer even as I check things off.  How is that possible?! So why am I taking a moment to blog?  Because I have not sat down to blog in a couple of weeks and a friend and my sister told me they miss reading my blog.  I think that is one of the nicest things I've ever been told.  I was beaming inside both times I heard it!

So the party is in 10 days and I will be back to posting regularly and life will be back to normal the way it was.  In the meantime enjoy laughing at this horrible picture of me working in the yard looking scrubby and makeupless.  Then enjoy the photo of my beautiful almost-one-year-old baby.

Hoe'n is hard work.

Look at those beautiful blue eyes!

The Unexpected Knock On The Door

Disclaimer: I would not normally blog about something so personal but am hoping that someone has experience dealing with a loved one with mental illness and can provide answers or can just offer words of support.  And if nothing else, others in my position will find comfort knowing they are not alone.

This morning was like any other morning, coffee, diapers, breakfast, baby bath time…and then I went to put the little one down for a nap.  There was a knock on the door, then a second knock, dog barking, third louder knock.  I woke Danny who was asleep because he had worked late and asked him to get the door since the person wasn’t going to go away and I thought I could get Olive to sleep if I didn’t get her up and stimulated by a visitor.  He got up and went to the door then came back into the bedroom and said, “It’s Jesse” (my youngest sister who is estranged from our family). “She’s in there crying and wants to talk to you” he continued.  To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

I left him with the baby and went into the living room.  She was a wreck, crying, and looked like she’d been through the ringer.  I sat down across from her and asked, “Hey, what’s going on?”  She proceeded to tell me, through tears, that she just left the emergency room (which is a few blocks away from my house) and that she had been taken there by ambulance this morning.  She couldn’t get a hold of her girlfriend to come and pick her up and that the only family member that still talks to her told her to “grow the fuck up and figure it out” when she called her to ask for a ride home.  She was sobbing at this point and said she had to walk to my house with no shoes and has no way to get home.  (Home being the house we grew up in that sat empty for a while until my dad decided it wouldn’t hurt to let her stay there.)  All she wanted was to borrow a pair of shoes and a couple of dollars to catch a bus.  Obviously, I had a million questions.  I got her a glass of water and said I’d give her a ride home but needed to know what was going on.  She was taken by ambulance at 4am this morning because she was doubled over in pain (she has suffered from ovarian cysts since she was a teenager ).   I wanted to know why the two people that still talk to her had turned their backs on her.  She just said she didn’t know.  This is typical for a “Jesse episode”.  She is a self-proclaimed former addict and has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, and split personality “features”.  She is my baby sister (10 years between us) and I love her but, it is very difficult to believe her.  She has a troubled past which includes being admitted several times against her will for suicidal threats, violence, stealing from family, and the list just kind of goes on.

I’m brushing over the rest but, we talked for about an hour and a half.  I kept driving the point that she needs to be medicated.  I told her we (her family) loved her and want her to be happy and healthy.  Some of what I said hit her hard and made her cry but in the end she said she knew that I was just speaking the truth.  I also said I hoped she wasn’t just telling me the things I wanted to hear, she promised she wasn’t blowing smoke.  I drove her home and before she got out of the car, she hugged me and started crying and said she loved me.  I told her she was my baby sister and that I loved her too.   She promised to call me in a few days to let me know what she has doing as far as getting set up with a doctor or program and getting medicated for her disorders.  I told her I hoped I did hear from her otherwise I'd know she wasn’t doing what she said she was going to do – try to get better.

This is not the first time I’ve seen her hit rock bottom, nor was it the first time I left a situation with her feeling hopeful.  But the hopeful situations later turned to disappointment and sadness.  I can only hope something I said struck a nerve and ignited something inside her, prompting change.  I don’t know if what I said was helpful, right, worth my time, damaging, or just wrong…I’m not a professional, I just don’t know.  I do know that even help from the professionals hasn’t been enough to stick.  It’s so…frustrating to feel like there is nothing you can do.  I literally lose sleep wondering if there is more I can do, if somehow I am just not doing the right thing or if I just haven’t given it my all.  I know you can’t change someone, they have to want it, but when they are ill…then what?  I feel it’s a burden I bear alone but I know others have loved ones with a mental illness or even an addiction, so I’m not alone.  It just feels that way.  

Baby Jesse and me, circa 1990

A Picture Is Worth...

Olive and me, April 29, 2010, after a 60 hour labor.

This is one of my most treasured photographs.  It is a true look into one of my most intimate moments.  The expression on my face is difficult to put into words

I am positive that I have never had this look on my face before or after this moment.  I was full of so many emotions and feelings, LOVE, exhaustion, relief, pride, joy, and others that I don't have words to even describe.  When I first saw this photo I almost didn't recognize myself, it was like looking at an experience instead of picture.  So much is being said by both of us in this moment.  There are not a thousand words to write about this photograph, it is emotive, it cannot be described, it can only be experienced.

I wonder how many photos I have that actually capture a TRUE experience.  I guess I will have to do some digging and find out. 

Exhaustion and Perspective

Meltdowns come so much easier when you're exhausted.  Just ask any two year old.  I've spent the last five or six nights up every couple of hours soothing an infant in real pain.  Olive is trying to cut teeth through gums that are so swollen, two purple blood blisters have developed.  Needless to say, I'm exhausted.  I told myself that I'm still going to get stuff done, just like any other week, but have found it difficult.  Olive wants to be right on top of me, making things like dishes or cooking pretty hard.  I decided she and I would get out yesterday, in the middle of a very heavy rain storm (very heavy for California, that is).  We went to music class.  There were less people in class than usual because they weren't up for dealing with the downpour (I assume).  We were both in great spirits by the end of class.  We left class and headed out into the pouring rain.  Olive thought it was great fun to help me hold the umbrella.  We crossed the street, walked a little ways and I thought to myself, "I rock, we didn't let no stinkin' rain hold us back".  We got into the backseat of the car so I could get Olive buckled into her car seat.  I closed the umbrella then closed the door quickly because I was getting soaked.  Only, the door bounced back open and I heard a crunch.  I pulled the bottom of my jacket into the car, closed the door and squeezed my eyes closed saying to Olive, "I hope that wasn't mommy's phone".  I reached into my pocket and my newish iPhone was shattered, really shattered.  My stomach turned.  A lump formed in my throat.  I called Danny to tell him what I just did.  Not sure why I called him, maybe just to confess or for reassurance, I don't know.  I took a deep breath and kissed Olive's forehead, got out of the backseat and into the driver seat.  I took another deep breath and told myself, "everyone is alright".  I started the car and headed home.  I told myself a few more times that it's OK and that everyone is safe but I was really just trying to convince myself not to cry over a broken phone.  It worked.  I was upset that we'd have to spend money on something so stupid.  But in the end, everyone was fine, we are all healthy, all of our limbs are intact.  The lump in my throat disappeared.  I then felt proud of myself.  I didn't cry over the phone, even though I was so exhausted, I held it together.  I put things in perspective - I did.

Olive's purple gums.  This was a week ago so they look much more swollen now.

I'm hoping those little teeth pop out soon so we can go back to restful nights and happy days.

Etsy Enthusiast

I often get lost in the endless pages of lovely things on Etsy.com.  Handmade goods are so different from those manufactured by machines. They have a bit of heart and soul in them.

I thought it would be fun to search two words that are on my mind. Today those two words are "baby olive" (big surprise, huh?). My little one has been in a world of hurt trying to get the two top front teeth to come out. Poor girl had to see the doc because she has two big purple blood blisters on her gums.  But I digress... Here are some of my favorite finds on my "baby olive" search:

 This baby and mama print is SO Olive and me!

I lovelovelovelove this onesie.

These eco-friendly blocks are right up my alley.

I can see these on me!  When is mother's day again?

Bet you said "aaaawwwww" when you saw this little fox family print.

I have a feeling my husband is going to get this onesie for our little one.

This hot/cold pack would make any boo-boo better.

Try my Etsy game. Plug in two words that are on your mind and see if you don't get lost in the fabulous world of handmade!

Save the planet. Pay the bills.

I used to tell people that I am 60% green and 40% cheap. Currently we are still adjusting to having one income provider (that would be my amazing, hard working husband) and with each passing week we tighten the belt on our budget.  Now I'm breaking even on the green to cheap ratio.

Here are a few of the little things we do to save the planet AND keep more money in the bank:

1. Cloth diapers
The environmental impact on diapers is severe.  Disposable diapers are responsible for 3.5 billion tons of waste each year.  They are also plenty expensive.  I went through an $11 pack of disposable diapers in 3 days while visiting my sister.  Now I just tote my cloth with me when we visit.  Our stash of cloth diapers and covers cost us about $200 - and that was nine months ago!  Thankfully we have an HE washer which reduces our carbon footprint and saves us money by using less water and electricity.  Win-win.

Laundering cloth diapers is so easy, a baby can do it!

2. Shop the bulk bins
I recently started shopping the bulk bins for staples like oatmeal, nuts, dried fruit, rice, and beans.  It's amazing how much you save!  And think of all of the materials that go into pre-packaged foods that just end up in the trash.  Even if you recycle the packaging it still took energy and resources to produce it, as will  recycling it.

3. Reuse containers
Ok, so my grandma used to save every container.  You would open the cabinet and be hit in the head with an empty cool whip tub.  I'm not recommending that at all.  But, jars make great containers for bulk bin items.  They also work perfectly for annoying bags that are hard to find in the pantry and end up spilling out half the time.  After you open a bag of raisins or almonds toss the rest in a repurposed jar!  And one last bonus, you can stick leftovers, like soup, in it and heat it up safely (I never microwave plastic, but that's a whole different topic).

I've found that the labels on Trader Joe's jars are very easy to remove after filling the jar with hot water.  There isn't a whole lot of sticky stuff left on the glass.

4. Buy secondhand
Especially with baby and kid stuff! The majority of Olive's room is furnished with secondhand items. Her nursery is so precious (I'll post photos soon). Don't think I don't drool over the beautiful interior photos on Apartment Therapy but we've got bills to pay!  Plus there is unmatched charm in these twice loved furnishings.

Everything here cost a total of $200 plus a couple bottles of spray paint!  Just the Dutailier glider set (right) retails for over $300 brand new.

 Some of  these tips may not work for you, but savvy shopping paired with reducing your carbon footprint feels pretty darn good!

My Secret Garden

My yard is large and unkempt. We have very little time and yard work rarely makes it to the top of the priority list  We bought our house just over two years ago and one of the big selling points was the large yard. We live on a corner and our lot is larger than the other lots in our neighborhood. Somebody once loved these grounds. There are little hidden treasures sprinkled throughout, some of which I haven't even discovered.

Today the rain let up and the sun even graced us with its presence for a while. Olive and I took the opportunity to explore. We found beautiful weeds and stopped to visit little boy blue. Lola and Olive tasted the grass and I snapped these photos with my iPhone.

I'm hoping that over time I will uncover more of the hidden treasures in my secret garden as make time to get out there and start doing more yard work.  It was pretty great a few weeks ago when I had the HedgeHog out on the side yard annihilating a dozen of the overgrown rose bushes while Olive watched from her jumperoo.  It's good for little girls to see mommy working a power tool!

I have to say, I am very impressed with the quality of photos my phone takes!  None of these photos are touched up in any way.

He came with the house.  I couldn't decide if he was creepy or cool.

Olive LOVES him so he's staying.

One of my 50+ rose bushes.

I took this pot out to plant something in but the weeds took over.  Boy, did they take over.

Under my redwood.

I used to eat the stems when I was little.

Mishmash of plants under the redwood.

A weed under my peach tree.

Dreamboat Danny

What is heartwarming, adorable, and sexy all at the same time?  My dreamboat of a husband, that's what. In the last week and a half I've seen how other people look at him when he's spending time being a wonderful daddy.  We went for a walk, I walked the dog and he wore the baby in our Ergo.  Passerbys looked at him with ear to ear grins.  There's just nothing cuter than a big, bearded, tattooed man adoringly carrying his baby in a carrier.  I know I don't get that many smiling faces when I wear the babe.  Maybe because it's less common to see a daddy wearing a baby...?

My beloved husband also attended music class with us last week.  He was the only dad in class that day.  He didn't want to sing along for fear of standing out too much, but he and Olive had a great time.

Friday, finding my way

It's offficial, I'm a blogger.  I thought I would start with something short and sweet while learning the ropes of blogging and finding my voice on the world wide web.  What can be sweeter than my happy Olive enjoying her Friday morning bath?!

Today is going to be a beautifully busy day, as usual.  Working on taxes, dishes, laundry, errands, etc. But so far, so good.  Baby fed, bathed, napping and I was out of the shower all before 10:30am!  I guess that's what happens when you're up by 5.